When I moved to Utah a year ago, my goal was ultimately to work full time as a photographer and freelancer. I already knew that I didn't like working for anybody else, and I wanted to set my own hours and ultimately work for myself.
But moving is expensive, and introducing yourself to a totally new market - especially one as deeply saturated as Utah - takes time. We needed to survive, so I got a full time job working for a beauty company in downtown Salt Lake City. And...it turns out I really loved that job.
It was demanding work. I did a lot of traveling for it, which was as exciting as it was exhausting. And working those 40-50 hours a week, it was easy to start feeling comfortable with what we had. I was making good money, we could afford everything we needed....but I had little motivation to pursue any of my hobbies, passions, or dreams when I got home each night. I felt like a robot on repeat, victim to a routine, even if that routine could be rewarding sometimes.
So, finally....I worked up the courage to quit. I worked up the courage to admit to myself that I'm capable of more than what I was doing.
Friday was my last day there, and while it was definitely bittersweet I finally feel free to do what I want to do, and turn that into a career.
I am terrified. I have no idea if my plans will work out. It's possible that I will fail, and that my husband and I will spend a few months being poor and uncomfortable until I get another job.
But I really don't want to fail, and in that fear there is motivation.
We are always our own worst critics...that is common knowledge. But right now I need to tell myself what I know to be true, even if self confidence gets in the way sometimes:
I am talented.
I am creative.
I can do this.