|Extreme closeup self portrait, completely sans makeup or photoshop|
Today, I'm gonna be real with you guys. Totally upfront. We bloggers are quite guilty of portraying the absolute best, most perfect versions of ourselves through our blogs. In almost every case I do not put up photos of myself unless I'm in a "put together" outfit and my hair is done - and I usually run photoshop actions on my images before they go live on the blog. I know I'm not alone here. It happens SO OFTEN that I'm reading about a person's life on their blog and I'm suddenly stricken with feelings of overwhelming inadequacy. Why is their life so perfect? Why do they seem to have it all so together?
The answer: It's not, and they probably don't.
My life is not perfect and I definitely DO NOT have it all together. Am I happy? Yes. Am I blessed? You bet. But here's the thing: I am incredibly and exceptionally flawed. Today, I'd like to talk about the things that make me human.
1. I am constantly, and I do mean constantly, comparing myself to other people. I measure my achievements up against theirs which sometimes prevents me from being happy for them. Then, if left to fester long enough, I start to develop all sorts of inadequacy complexes.
2. I am terrible of taking care of things. Plants, inanimate objects - even things I really care about like my iPod or my camera somehow end up getting beat up. Example: My headphones broke yesterday. I've owned them for less than a month.
3. I drop things, spill things, and do generally klutzy things all of the time. This can be related to the previous number as well: I spilled water on my compute keyboard in January and it had to be replaced.
4. I make messes. Big messes. It is impossible for me to keep things organized no matter how hard I work to create the perfect system or promise myself I'll do better next time. It just doesn't work.
5. Despite being a very religious person, it can be really hard for me to speak openly about my beliefs with others, particularly strangers. I believe this has to do with growing up with one religious parent and one non religious parent. Religion was never openly discussed in our home and I am feeling the effects of that, now.
6. I can be an over-achiever and a slacker, sometimes simultaneously. By brain somehow chooses what things I should go all out on and what things I should completely procrastinate and/or ignore. There is never a balance.
7. I eat my feelings. All the time.
8. I have very little self control when shopping. I've had to start leaving my credit card at home - it gets bad, people. It gets bad.
9. I sometimes get so emotional that TV commercials make me cry.
10. I sometimes forget to take care of myself. I will forget what deep conditioner and moisturizer and other vitally important things are. Sometimes I forget to shower. I will forget to take my vitamins and iron pills and then I'll get all anemic and start having exhaustion-induced panic attacks. This typically occurs during the final month of a school semester.
I am praying that my honesty has not caused you all to lose respect for me and run away! I just want my blog to reflect me - the real me, the good and the bad and the ugly. Sometimes I wish I could always look like the photo-shopped version of myself - but I can't. 90% of the time I look like I do in that photo above, hair in a messy bun, wearing a big tee and yoga pants or jeans that are ripped along the bottom. It is not glamorous, it is not put together.
But, well, it's me.
Hi, nice to meet you.